introducing my bestie: ME!
Oh hey there! Hmmm...interesting title, huh? I'm sure if I could be a fly on your wall as you read that title, I would have heard, "...but I already have a bestie", "my man is my bestie", or my favorite, "my cat, Hector, is my bestie"! [By the way, the latter was a completely ridiculous exaggeration, and obviously so since Hector is a rather hysterical pet name]. In any event, I am here to tell you that if any of those responses came to mind, you are WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG [that's the remix I'm working on for Rihanna]. You have to be your absolute bestest, best friend EVER and love you infinitely. Relax! Everyone in your life can keep their titles so calm the fxck down. Stop getting caught into the matrix that is a title and hear me out. Let's put some things into perspective. Are you a twin? No? Okay, cool, glad we can knock out that objection. The majority of us entered this world alone. Yes, alone. We stepped out of our mommies all by ourselves. For those of you who are twins, you were still pulled out individually so this applies to you too. Some of us did not have the luxury of having siblings or peers near us [outside of school], which means that many of us would often play alone in our childhood. We would use our imagination, channeling our creativity to take us beyond the present space we were in. Why does this matter? It matters because somewhere along the way in each and every one of our lives, we developed dependency. We were taught this. We learned that we needed friends to have fun, that we needed a boyfriend to make us happy, and that we needed a pet to save us from sheer and utter death by loneliness. Synopsis: it was embedded into our psyche that we needed other individuals to uplift our emotional state. We say things to ourselves like, "what am I going to do without him" or "I can't go to your event because I have no one to go with". Now fast-forward: we are in a position to be alone...what do we do? We spend the entire time on our phones communicating with others, texting or Snapping or Tweeting or Facebooking or whatever-ing. I am guilty of scouring my phone for people to call just to pass the time while driving or doing house work. By no means am I immune to this lecture. The bottom line: when are we ever really alone nowadays? With all of these devices and distractions, and now Instagram stories, the majority of us are never actually alone. As a result, we cannot appreciate our own presence. Despite this, we want to break down why some of our romantic relationships don't work, friendships don't work, jobs don't work, and blah and more blah. But how can we have an expectation of a successful relationship of any capacity when we have no idea what it's like to be around ourselves, or even better, no idea if we even like us? We spend our alone time trying to avoid it, literally Usain Bolt-ing our way out of having to just face us. We are always looking for the next party, the next show, the next happy hour, or the next whatever to attend with friends. In fact, we do that so much that we actually won't do something that we want to do just because we have no one to do it with! How about you attend that amazing event alone? ...get dressed up and go out to dinner, alone? ...treat yourself to a bottomless mimosa solo brunch? How about you just spend some time in silence, completely UNPLUGGED by locking your phone away for a few hours? I actually put my messages on silent and no vibrate almost 2 years ago, and I never looked back. Unfortunately, I still keep looking at my phone, so I need the lock and key for my drawer just like you! I recently got into the habit of listening to affirmations and also engaging in meditation and mantra repetition. In just a short time, I have learned so much about myself. Through mantras, I remembered how much I LOVE talking to myself. I thoroughly enjoy making commentary to myself and replying right back! It sounds crazy, but to be clear, I have never made promises on my sanity levels. Oh stop judging me! The point is that I know that I can always be entertained by and with just me. Just to point out, I am still on social media and still guilty of scouring through my phone unnecessarily. But the difference is that when I say it's me time, I have been making a concerted effort to make it about me and only me for that time I have allotted. I have been going out to eat by myself ...going to Starbucks to alone ...just setting up dates with myself to reconnect with my soul. We stray from our core all throughout our lives in various ways. It is critical that we are as close to our highest selves as we can possibly be. I believe that God is within me and is a representation of my highest self. The more I spend time with me, and learn to LOVE me unapologetically, the better lover, friend, business partner, and overall human being I become. We have to realize that the key to a successful relationship is in building ourselves independently. In a relationship, the media tells you that your partner is supposed to COMPLETE you. WRONG! Remember: we came into this world alone, with nothing but our souls encased in a physical body. No one can come along and complete you. If you think you have been walking around as half of a person, then you must evaluate your self esteem. Our significant others, and all those who we cross paths with in life, are meant to COMPLEMENT us. They are here to help us strengthen our weakness and get better everyday. They provide us with the balance that we need to be our absolute best selves, but that does not mean that we cannot function on our own. As we continue to learn and grow from our experiences and interactions, we become even better individuals to hang out with, whether it is us hanging out with us or someone else hanging out with us. Give yourself the credit you deserve. Make time to be with yourself and learn about yourself. Get comfortable being your own inspiration and motivation. So be your own bestie: love being with you, being around you...just love being you. You should be your own best friend first and foremost because if you are always with you but don't love and/or like you, then why on earth should someone be around you even just sometimes and have to love and/or like you? Test the waters with yourself before you force others to find out the hard way about what you need to work on. You have the answers. Usually when someone tells you about yourself, you already know about it. Most times you are just hoping other people wouldn't notice, but they always do. Connect with yourself in a way that is unparalleled with any other relationship. Once you reach this place, no one will be able to come between you and you. You ARE you. This isn't optional so hop in the driver's seat and get there however you can. Am I there yet 100%? No...hell no actually! But I am acknowledging the fact that I can be doing an even better job of loving myself, and I am taking the initiative to build and grow with me: Shanelle Julia Rosita Campbell. Do the same, and tell me how you really feel [insert Drake mantra]!
CIAO!
Peace, Kings & Queens
xoxo
Shanelle Julia Rosita Campbell
