putting you first, unapologetically.

Happy Monday! The last few days have been rather enlightening for me. I have things I want to do that require money, but I don't want to obtain money the way I have in the past [i.e. a 9-5 job]. By making the bold decision to leave my job, I am aware that I have opted in to the path less traveled. I'm learning how to manage and maximize my time to get to a place of optimal efficiency, and still have fun simultaneously. Being that I am in a position to dedicate the time needed to thoroughly self-reflect, lately I have been coming to terms with flaws that I've run from acknowledging all of my life. My number one flaw is my inability to follow through with things for myself. My follow through game is "weak", as the kids say today. When it comes to keeping my word to others, I always come through. I'll arrive on time. If I have to cancel, I will let you know with ample time to rearrange. I'm a woman of my word and that's a critical part of my personal brand. But what I've come to realize is that I am only all of those things when it's for others, and NEVER MYSELF! What?! How is it that I can be present and accounted for, and participate, at a work meeting, but won't follow through with my own gym goals? How is it that I will make the time to support someone's show, despite knowing that they missed my event without an explanation or an apology a week before? These are both examples of lacking self-love. Self-love is something you come into, and society helps hinder the process every single day. They tell you "love the skin you're in!", and then they show you examples of "perfection" left and right, and audaciously expect you to still have self-love. These are all messages that we internalize. It took me a long time to get to a place where I wasn't obsessing over my physical "imperfections", where I finally realized I could function without receiving rhinoplasty [and yes, this was my obsession specifically for about 6 years of my life based off of two negative comments]! You can read this and think that one has nothing to do with the other, but that's just not true. It's about priorities, and until I make myself a real priority, it exemplifies the notion that I'm not truly over my period of low self-esteem. While I have moved past those insecurities overtly, it's the subtle actions that prove I have not. This marks the end of the era where Shanelle's obligations to herself are placed on the back-burner. I hope this post inspires you to make the time to self-reflect and be tough on yourself for the sake of self-improvement, but true inspiration comes from within. It is OKAY to say no to people. Shxt, they say no to you all of the time without remorse. Be completely unapologetic about your own value. Let YOU be in charge of you, for once.

Peace, Kings & Queens

xoxo

Shanelle Julia Rosita Campbell